Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, Were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, “you don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.

The woman suffered minor injuries and was taken to a hospital. The cat was taken to a vet to treat an injured eye.

On Wednesday, the Assembly Appropriations Committee approved a bill by Assemblyman Bill Maze that would make it illegal to drive with a pet in your arms or in your lap.

No that’s a stupid robber.

Oh, that’s got to hurt!

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – A Malaysian cop was arrested after he allegedly broke into a Mercedes Benz to steal its stereo but then dozed off on its luxurious seat, a news report said Friday.

The police officer allegedly was high on drugs and fell asleep while trying to steal a compact disc player from the car while it was parked at a hotel in southern Malacca state on Monday, the New Straits Times reported.

The officer, who was not identified, is allegedly a member of a gang linked to other break-ins and motorcycle thefts, the report said. After his arrest he led police to three other alleged members of the gang who are also linked to the police force, it said.

All four were being detained at a police station, it said.

Police could not immediately be reached to confirm the report

Koons, a one-time Wall Street commodities broker who holds the record as the highest-paid living artist, has paid just under 200,000 euros ($310,600) in child support since 1998, according to the lawsuit filed in New York State Court.

A representative for Manhattan-based Koons was not immediately available for comment.

The couple divorced in 1994, and Staller took their son to Italy. Four years later, their divorce was confirmed by an Italian court.

“I always felt my government would do the right thing and get my child back,” Koons told the New York Newsday newspaper in 2003. “Now I realize that I might not be able to see and live with my child again.”

Koons was originally awarded custody of the couple’s son, who was born in 1992. But custody was later given to Staller, and Koons was ordered to pay 1,500 Euros ($2,330) per month in child support.

“At no time during the Italian proceedings did Koons challenge the subject-matter or personal jurisdiction of the Italian courts,” the lawsuit said.

Koons and Staller married in Budapest in 1991. That year, Koons unveiled “Made in Heaven,” a series of paintings and sculptures that showed the couple in sexual acts.

The 52-year-old Koons burst on the art scene in the 1980s aided by an image consultant, and his contentious split from Staller, who has been active in Italian politics since the late 1970s, added to his fame.

Last November, Koons 3,500-pound (1,600-kg) sculpture, “Hanging Heart (Magenta/Gold),” sold at Sotheby’s for $23,561,000, eclipsing its high pre-sale estimate of $20 million and establishing a record for any living artist’s work at auction.

Ugh! This man makes me sick, not paying child support. No what his wifes a porn star. Never mind.

CHICAGO – Two sisters from Virginia sold their Illinois-shaped corn flake on eBay Friday night for $1,350.

“We were biting our nails all the way up to the finish, seeing what would happen,” said Melissa McIntire, 23. “There’s a lot of relief involved.”

The winner of the auction, which lasted more than a week, is the owner of a trivia Web site who wants to add the corn flake to a traveling museum.

“We’re starting a collection of pop culture and Americana items,” said Monty Kerr of Austin, Texas. “We thought this was a fantastic one.”

Kerr owns TriviaMania.com and said he will likely send someone to Virginia to pick up the flake by hand, so it won’t be damaged. This isn’t the first corn flake that Kerr has tried to buy. He said he purchased a flake billed as the world’s largest, but that by the time it was delivered it had crumbled into three pieces.

McIntire and her sister Emily, 15, listed the corn flake on eBay last week, but eBay canceled the auction saying it violated the Web site’s food policy.

The sisters restarted their Ebay auction, advertising a coupon redeemable for their corn flake, instead of the cereal itself.

The McIntires said they’ll likely use the money for a family vacation.

Copycat items have popped up on eBay, including corn flakes shaped like Hawaii and Virginia. There’s also been a potato chip shaped like Florida, and Illinois corn flake paraphernalia, including T-shirts and buttons.

Next time I find a random shaped corn flake in my cereal I’m selling it on Ebay.